Im Scared My Art Would Offend Somebody for No Reason

Apologizing When You've Washed Nothing Wrong

• Author
• 2019 17 Oct

"Apologizing does non always mean that you're wrong and the other person is right. It just means that yous value your relationship more than your ego."—Positive Outlooks

Information technology's not most me. It'southward non near me. Information technology's non virtually me.

I repeated the mantra in my head over and over once more. I set information technology to a tune. I hummed it in my listen. But it even so wasn't sinking in. It feltlike it was about me. In fact, information technology feltsimilar I was under attack. Existence falsely accused of something I didn't practice.

Only, it didn't matter.

It's not about me. It'south not about me. It'southward not about me.

Information technology wasn't about me. There was a larger story at play. The one of my family, specially my children, suffering the consequences of an statement that I didn't first, and couldn't seem to end. Information technology had gone on for years, and my attempts to get anyone to even admit my viewpoint, were futile.

David struggled with this too. In Psalms 69, he calls out to God in the midst of his accusers:

"Salve me, O God, for the waters have come up up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my pharynx is parched. My eyes neglect, looking for my God. Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal."

He was forced to restore what he did non steal. Defendant of things he did not do.

Relationships are messy. And Jesus conspicuously understood. In fact, he specifically instructed u.s.a. on what to exercise should we notice ourselves in a disagreement with others. In Matthew 5:23-24, He said:

"This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, nigh to brand an offering, yous suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, carelessness your offering, leave immediately, get to this friend and make things right. Then and only so, come back and work things out with God."

I love how this doesn't specify who is at fault. To God, who is at error is not the question. It is about making things right, regardless of who is at fault. It doesn't mean that we are taking the blame, but instead, taking the initiative to live in peace with that person. I know—information technology seems impossible. Just, as believers, we are chosen to a higher standard. Called to dearest others equally we would like to be loved—not equally nosotros areloved. A much different thing.

The truth is, there is an art to disagreeing. And, similar most art, it's non always like shooting fish in a barrel to understand at kickoff glance. The meaning, and the methods used, may not be clear in the beginning.

Knowing When information technology's time to repent:

• The relationship with the other person is 1 that has lifelong potential, such as a family fellow member, spouse, or long-time friend, and you value the human relationship in spite of the disagreement.
  
• You lot have approached them in love, and been refused.
  
• You have tried to find a common basis, willing to give in, and been refused.
  
• When y'all arroyo the person who has offended yous, there is a rehashing of what happened—as if it just happened—instead of a willingness to detect resolution.
  
• The affair is affecting other people who were not part of the original disagreement.
  
• You avoid gatherings where the person might be.
  
• You lot take prayed about the situation and don't feel the demand to create a permanent boundary (you should non compromise in situations that involve concrete or mental corruption of whatever kind).
  
• Yous feel certain that if you apologize, the matter will cease.

How to get your mind around apologizing when you've done nothing wrong:

• You lot can testify regret for the feelings the other person has incurred as a upshot of the state of affairs without taking blame for the situation itself. This assumes that you did not intend to hurt feelings, or that the original action was intended for skillful and had unforeseen consequences for which you were not responsible. When doing this, brand sure that you apologize with no caveats. Instead of "I'one thousand sorry if you were offended by something I said" (putting the reaction back on them), say something like "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you lot" (putting the responsibility on you).
  
• Decide what yous are apologizing for, and state information technology plainly. An open-concluded apology that makes you feel exposed to accepting something you did not exercise, will not end the disagreement. More than likely, it will cause bitterness that may escalate information technology. Instead, you can show grace to the person who offended you lot, and apologize for the part you played in the situation that followed the crime (such as: isolation from that person, bad feelings towards that person, etc.)
  
• Don't dwell on the truth. In many cases, the truth will lie between yous, the offender, and God alone. In long standing disputes, the truth doesn't matter as much as the separation information technology has caused.
  
• Don't make excuses for the person who acquired the offense. Instead, offer mercy, knowing that you lot are freeing yourself as much equally yous are freeing them. They don't have to answer to you for their actions, but you practise have to reply to God.
  
• Agree not to discuss it once more. When both parties have been hurt, and an agreement of wrongdoing cannot be settled, it is best to permit the situation become. In society to move forward, both parties need to agree that it is forgiven, and that it is best not to hash out information technology for the sake of the relationship.

In long standing disagreements, it's not actually near who is right or wrong, just who is willing to heed to the other person, and show understanding toward them. About people don't desire disharmonize betwixt themselves and others, but pride keeps them from admitting wrongdoing.

Often, the person who suffered the mistreatment will be the one who is forced to end the argument with no apology from the other side. Showing grace and mercy to another who has offended y'all is not only an incredible gift to that person, but a living testimony of how your Savior would treat you. And, that alone, sisters, is enough to break the silence.

Article taken from LauraPolk.org. Used with permission.

Photograph Credit: GettyImages/MangoStar Studio

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Source: https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/women/apologizing-when-you-ve-done-nothing-wrong.html

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